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Tuesday, May 03, 2005

39

what we are engaged in when we do poetry is error,the willful creation of error,the deliberate break and complication of mistakesout of which may ariseunexpectedness.
Anne Carson

I
Somos mortales, te dice. Y lo escuchas como si fuese el viento.
Pero no está hecho de aire: es una roca, granito o magma
que dejó de arder.

Mantén el equilibrio, te dice. Y justo en un día como ahora
en el que la pasta de dientes se termina
y no hay café para despertar en toda la casa.
Un día en el que mejor sería quedarse dormido

Un día prescindible.

Deja la sed, te dice. Y vierte agua en el vaso de tu suerte.
Vacía la jarra en la que te sirvió. El vaso también sin una gota.
No hay donde buscar alivio
¡Y mira que conozco de vasos y jarras y de sed!

Ignoras todo sobre el agua, te dice entonces. Y luego ríe.
Y tú estás en llamas. La casa está en llamas.
Después llueve. Todo se hace líquido. Fluye, no descansa.

El silencio corta la noche como una navaja. Apagas la luz.
Lo escuchas. Desconoces desde dónde es que te habla.
Pero es su voz. No puede ser más que su voz

Nadie sabe lo que son las leyes, te dice. Ni para qué existen.
Entonces lo ves, también, asomándose por la ventana.
A pesar de la oscuridad lo intuyes allí. Y no te mueves
por temor a que se vaya de nuevo.

Haz memoria, te dice. Revisa cada uno de tus asuntos.
No habrá más sorpresas. Así contigo como conmigo,
prosigue. Tu voz se hará silencio, estertor, olvido
y pequeños monstruos tus huesos.

¿Y dónde tus sublimes planes, tus eternos devaneos?
¡Qué complicada cadena de estupideces que ahora
Golpean o galopan tus vanos triunfos!


Materia de derrota tus sueños de insomne, te dice.
No hay espacio para tu descanso. Nunca lo deseaste.
Túmulo o pira, cenotafio o arco triunfal, qué importa.
No somos mortales, te repite.

Eres como un árbol sembrado al revés. ¿Dónde tu fronda?
Eres como el ruido del agua que se deja correr
Cuando se lavan los trastes
Como el aullido de un cerdo que sabe se dirige al matadero.

Eres la huella de un leproso en la mano del samaritano
El animal enhiesto encima de la montaña solitaria
La muerta y muda sangre de una cascada de lamentos.
Eres el ronquido, la apnea, el terror a quedarte dormido

Pero también la flor quebrada por el abrazo de los amantes
en la tierra, te dice.


II

En mitad de la noche, en medio de ningún lugar. Sólo existe la lluvia. Y tupidos árboles que ocultan el cielo. Estás rodeado. Hay humedad en el suelo. Como si allí nunca dejara de caer agua. Pero no ves las nubes. No existen. Las altísimas copas de los árboles ocultan todo lo que no sea ese bosque que te rodea como los brazos de la amada. Te sientas. Respiras. O te percatas de que respiras. Allí, de golpe, conoces tus miserias, las que no te has atrevido a revelarle a nadie. El miedo horroroso al vacío. Como si la aventura hubiese terminado. No duermes. No puedes dormir. Toda la noche en amarga vigilia, te habría dicho él. Pero allí tampoco puedes escucharlo. Te vas derrumbando. Naufragas. Sientes miedo, un miedo insondable que no se apaga ni con el lamento de un búho, lejano, que apenas escuchas. Cuando se haga de día saldrás de allí. El sol te regresará al mundo de los tuyos, tus semejantes.
Y ya nada será igual. Ni el dolor, ni la alegría insospechada o la furia repentina. Esa oscura soledad te devolvió la iluminación de tu nombre y su precario tiempo. ¡Atónito musgo siempre en viaje!

III

Cada día una palabra que huye, te dice. Un ave que migra.
No le contestas, tampoco. Siempre sabe lo que estás pensando


28 de marzo 2005
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